Familes crumble under the weight of paternal neglect
Young men wander aimlessly, looking for answers their fathers should have given them in both word and deed
Christian women grow weary of begging God to make their husbands the spiritual leaders of the home
Helping men to overcome a legacy of passivity, incompetence, and indifference.
Chapter 1: The Bible and the Family’s Role in Discipleship#
From Genesis to Revelation, we see a clear picture of the role of the family in redemptive history, and the role of the father in the family.
Our calling to shepherd our families is clear.
Chapter 2: A Three Pronged Approach to Biblical Discipleship#
An examination of the first two chapters in Titus reveals the three-legged stool of discipleship
Godly, mature men and women in the church
First and most important quality is for them to posess godly character
These men and women aren’t just older, nor are they simply wise in a worldly sense of the word. These are men and women of spiritual substance.
Some older people are “transformed” simply because they no longer have the time, energy, or opportunity to pursue the sins they contiue to cherish in their hearts. Others have undergone the supernatural process of sanctification.
Maturity is marked by the fruit believers bear in keeping with their sanctification.
Both men and women are necessary in the disciple-making process
There are important boundaries to be observed
The roles of men and women are distinct
Godly, manly pastors and elders
The list in Titus 1 must also represent the character qualifications to be taught to young men simply because of the fact that there’s no list for young men anywhere else in the letter
Elders are called to be “examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:3). What sense does it make for elders to serve as examples if their list of qualifications is alien to that of ordinary men? What exactly would they be modeling?
The categories of qualifaction for elders
The elder’s home and family
His personal character
His teaching ministry
Biblically functioning homes
Christians are so used to viewing discipleship through the lens of professional, age-segregated, age-appropriate ministry
It is fathers who are charged with the duty of discipling the next generation.
Typical cultural patterns separate parents from their children both at home and at church.
Busy mom and busy dad
Kid’s life filled with extrarcurriculars
Parents serve as chauffeurs, rarely engaging with them spiritually.
Families rarely eat togther
Families rarely worship together
All family members immersed in a different wworld through technology
Different expressions of worship can actually be different expressions of disparate theologica differenes
The unintentional passive and active usurpation of spiritual authority from the home
Active: children pushed through a system that determined the trajectory of their spiritual development completely independent of their parents’ input or knowledge
Passive: Father’s complete absence in the spiritual development of his children
Confusing what the gospel produces with what the gospel requires will lead either to a sterile works-righteousness on the one hand or to lawlessness on the other.
The gospel is eschatological
This means we do not view our families as ends in themseleves
Family shepherds are not men working to shape perfect familes that will meet all their earthly needs
Family ties are temporal; ties to the body of Christ are eternal
This means we do not hold our wives and children to unreasonable standards
When asked “What defines you or what drives you? “, men will identify themselves by their careers
Work is usually what determines:
where and when men move their families
how far away they live from extended family
the kind of church they attend (and how frequently)
the lifestyle that they enjoy
the level of involvement they have in the discipleship of their children
Change the perspective:
NOT “I’m a lawyer and that defines the way my family is shaped”
INSTEAD “My wife and I entered a covenant relationship designed to bring forth, train, and launch a generation of godly offspring, and that’s going to direct all the rest of my decisions.”
Why should marriage be first?
Covenant vs contract
Working is fleeting, marriage is for life
The lesser serves the greater
Our careers exist to serve our families
Defined by your marriage and not your kids
Children will eventually leave home
Marriage forms the cornerstone of your children’s security
The greatest source of security our children have in this world is a God-honoring, Christ-centered marriage between their parents.
Objections to male headship are really often objections to the abuse of male headship
Ignorance, inaccurate teaching, poor examples, and plain old sin have led many men to fall into practices that don’t resemble the biblical model at all.
Objections to Male Headship within the Church
Ephesians 5 is a temporary injunction (i.e “that was cultural”)
Male headship was a result of the curse (which is no longer applicable to believers)
Behaviorism: treat children like machines that respond to input and stimuli reminiscent of Pavlov’s dog
Passivism: view children as autonomous, self-directed beings who need to be left alone to explore and figure things out on their own
Six Principles from Cotton Mather’s A Family Well-Ordered
Consider the condition of your children
They don’t sin becacuse they’re cranky, tired, or hungry, or because he hasn’t been conditioned well; they sin because they are a descendant of Adam.
Instruct your children in the great matters of salvation
Bring your children back to the cross again and again.
Rebuke and restrain them from everything detrimental to their salvation
A police officer doesn’t watch a criminal commit a crime and refuse to act due to his inability to change a man’s heart. No, he does what he can to resist the criminal and restrain him, knowing that his duty - while limited in its ultimate effectiveness - is necessary.
When your children transgress…
Call them aside
Let your children know that the matter is serious enough to merit your undivided attention.
Tell them what precept they’ve broken
Tell them what God threatens to those who so behave
Call them to repent
Lay charges upon your children
Charge them with Scripture
Charge them before they fall
Charge them repeatedly
Live an exemplary life before your children
Much of the wickedness we so despise in our children will merely be a reflection of the wickedness they’ve learned from us.
Eli is being held accountable for failing to restrain his sons
Family shepherds are responsible for restraining the sin in their children
Family shepherds do not engage in corrective discipline because we believe it’s efficacious for our children’s salvation.
Corrective discipline assumes biblical authority over cultural trens, absolutes of right and wrong, parental authority, and God’s faithfulness to fulfilled all that He promises.
Application of corrective discipline (Paul Wegner in Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society)
The book of Proverbs does not suggest that parents use this technique for discipline, but that serious sin can lead to serious punishment. In a moral society sin can lead to destruction and sometimes warrants drastic punishment to curb the sinful behavior. In our society, we have given government, not parents, power to punish certain destructive behaviors. Even in Israel, judges and kings were given authority to deal with similar extreme behaviors.
Level 8: Death.
Reprove or rebuke: stop children in their tracks, point out their sin and its consequences, and call them to repent.
Rebuke lovingly
Loving reproof is gentle
Loving reproof is private whenever possible
Loving reproof seeks the child’s best, not the parent’s convenience
Rebuke sparingly
Spend more time training your child than rebuking them
Rebuke the sin, not the child
Rebuke the sin because it is sin and displeases God; don’t rebuke the child because she has displeased her parent.
Corporal punishment
Family shepherds must see spanking as biblical, literal, loving, necessary, and part of a bigger picture.
